Spider!
by serenelystrange
Summary: Parker ends up topless, as she tends to, and wackiness ensues. Whole team's here, but this is ultimitely Parker/Hardison humor/fluff. Just a bit of fun. I tried out P/E and they're cool but I love P/H the best, lol. Please review!


Hardison headed to the conference room, soda in hand, tossing an approaching Eliot a beer on the way. They reached the table as Nate and Sophie entered from the other side of the room. Parker was already there, leaning against the table while waiting. She looked up suddenly at a shriek from Sophie.

"Parker! There's a spider on your shirt! Stay still."

Parker, however, did not stay still. At that moment the spider decided to crawl beneath her collar and press all eight creepy crawly legs over her skin as it wandered. Without making a sound, she scrambled out of her shirt faster than she had ever changed before, gasping in relief when she saw the spider crawl away from the fallen shirt. She looked up to see four very surprised faces looking back at her. Suddenly remembering her state of dress, she looked down at her braless self.

"Oh."

Nate broke eye contact first, walking away and massaging his temples while muttering about heart attacks and not nearly enough to drink. Sophie sighed and rolled her eyes before picking up Parker's discarded shirt and handing it back to her. Parker shook it a few times, just to be sure, before putting it back on. Eliot and Hardison shot each other a fleeting glance but both opted to say nothing. Sophie wandered after Nate to tell him it was safe to come back. Parker noticed the two men who were very pointedly not looking at her and shook her head.

"Guys." They looked at her with identical innocent expressions. "You act like you've never seen breasts before. They're just breasts. You've seen my breasts plenty of times" She smirked, amused by Hardison's expression at her repeated use of breast.

Hardison responded, "Yeah, but they're really ni…" and was silenced by an elbow from Eliot, who glared at him. Hardison rubbed his ribs in annoyance.

"That hurt, man! What the hell?"

Eliot growled, "you don't go around tellin' someone they got… just shut up Hardison."

Parker bounced slightly, highly amused. "Wanna see them again?" she asked, grin in place.

"What?" asked Eliot as Hardison said, "Hell, yeah." Which got him another elbow nudge. Followed by a smack to the head. He glared briefly at Eliot but quickly turned his attention back to Parker. After all, breasts.

Parker shrugged, "Alright, just Hardison then." She looked over at Eliot, "Shoo." Eliot sputtered before spinning on his heels and heading the way of Sophie and Nate. Maybe Nate would be in a sharing mood with his alcohol.

Left alone with Parker, Hardison suddenly became a lot less confident and a whole lot more nervous. But she was already invading his personal space, standing less than a foot from him. And then her shirt was off again and she looked at him with an expression he could only interpret as a dare. And the strangest thing was, he found himself more caught in her eyes than in the fantastic view she was giving him. So he did the only logical thing to do, he kissed her.

Parker was caught off guard by the kiss. She expected him to stare at her chest. After all, she had given him permission. It was fun to mess with the guys sometimes, and they had seen her topless enough times to make her feel it was no big deal. But Hardison surprised her, had barely glanced at her chest before resting a hand in her hair and pressing his lips to hers. It took her a moment, but her brain caught up and she responded to the kiss with vigor. Parker grinned when Hardison actually moaned at the slightest touch of her tongue to his lip. She linked her hands behind his neck and pressed her body to his, relishing the feeling. The hand that wasn't in her hair came to wrap around her waist, pressing her even tighter to him. She didn't need to guess whether he wanted her. One of her hands snaked to his belt, tracing the metal with her fingers, causing Hardison's fingers to tighten on her waist. Breaking the kiss just a moment to breathe, they stared at each other, caught in a moment.

And then the moment was broken by a pointed cough from Nate, who stood in the doorway, a long-suffering expression on his face. Sophie stood beside him, leaning against the wall, looking amused. Eliot stood beside her, looking annoyed. But to be fair, he usually did, so they decided not to take it personally.

Sophie smiled, "Was there another spider?" She gave them a knowing grin.

Hardison stuttered as he tried to come up with a response, but Parker was faster, and answered with her usual tact.

"No. I asked Hardison and Eliot if they wanted to see my breasts again. Eliot declined, so I told him to go away. Hardison said yes, so I showed him. And then he kissed me." She shrugged, as if it was nothing.

"And here we are," Hardison finished, regaining the ability to speak.

Nate sighed, "Parker, can you please put your shirt back on? And keep it on please."

Parker frowned, "Why? Do you think my breasts are unattractive?"

"Yes, Nate. Do you?" Sophie asked, voice only slightly higher than usual.

"No, of course not Parker. You're, um, they are, just please put your shirt back on." He rubbed his temples again.

Parker snorted as she slipped back into her shirt, "Bet you wouldn't say that if Sophie took her shirt off." At Sophie's shocked look, she responded with, "What? It's true. We all know it."

Hardison nodded in agreement, and Eliot added, "True." Sophie turned an interesting shade of red but chose not to respond. Nate looked helplessly at a crimson Sophie before rolling his eyes.

"Well, who wouldn't want to see Sophie naked?"

The team stared in shock at his uncharacteristic comment. He didn't even seem that drunk. Sophie placed her hands on her hips and addressed the three younger members of the team.

"You lot wouldn't want me walking around topless, right?"

Eliot mumbled, "Only cuz it'd be hard to focus if you were." He averted his eyes from her gaze.

Hardison shrugged, "I wouldn't mind, you are pretty damn fine."

Parker nodded, "He's right, you know. I bet you look beautiful naked. I wouldn't mind seeing it." And suddenly four pairs of eyes were once again trained on Parker.

"What!" she exclaimed. "Thinking Sophie would look good naked does not make me a lesbian."

"Can it?" Eliot asked before he could help himself, eyes glazing slightly as inappropriate thoughts of Parker and Sophie and silken outfits raided his mind. Sophie scowled at him, as if she could read his mind, but Parker just laughed.

"Can we just get to the business part of this meeting now?" Nate asked, more than ready to forget the whole incident ever happened. Sophie and Eliot quickly agreed, wandering to the kitchen to prepare tea and coffee. Parker, however, had another plan.

"Actually," she told Nate, "I want to go have sex with Hardison. If he wants to. We can come back to the meeting after." Nate looked up at a stunned Hardison, whose eyes were wide as saucers, but so was his smile.

"Just, take the day off. Both of you. We'll catch you up tomorrow."

"Cool," Parker responded, turning back to face Hardison. "So, you coming or not?" And she headed to the door.

Hardison looked to Nate for a second, "I am awake, right?" Nate nodded wearily but laughed as Hardison's grin grew somehow even wider.

Running after Parker, who was halfway down the hall, Hardison couldn't help but ask.

"Not to sound ungrateful, but why the sudden urge to jump my bones? I mean, I know I'm sexy and all, but…" he trailed off with nervous laughter.

Parker stopped and looked at him seriously, "I like you. And you kissed me, so I figured you like me too. So, we should have sex. Unless you don't want to. I bet Eliot wouldn't mind… filling in."

Hardison looked outraged, "Hell no! Of course I want to. I want you. Do not call Eliot. Please."

"Ok then. So why are we still talking about this?" Parker grinned, "Let's go to my place. It's closer."

Hardison nodded, "Closer. Closer is good. Alright, closer."

Parker giggled at his rambling, "You're kind of adorable. Race you to the car!"

Hardison laughed as she took off, knowing he'd never win. But sometimes losing was ok too. Grin still in place, he chased after his crazy beautiful thief, knowing she'd be there when he finally caught up.


End file.
